Wow i though i'd written more than two previous entries. Anyhoo.
Sam has managed to get himself a more than adequately georgous boyfriend, prompting me to search for my own. I went on a date with Bleddyn, and suffice to say despite his passion for politics and history, i don't think will work out, i really don't feel anything resembling the "Grr" with him. I was so nervous before, but we just sat and talked in Varsity for two hours, before we lamed out and made excuses to leave. He texted me asking for another meet, which  was surprised at because i thought he seemed equally uninpressed but ah well, i'm all mis-judgey it seems.
I have two dates set for after Easter, one with a guy i have seen in person, no talked to or anything but, he seemed cute. the other guy seems to be considered much hotter by my peers, but i'm not really sure about either to be honest..
I think i'm pretty much over Chris now, there doesn't seem to be any risidual feelings left over there, although i may be starting to feel an attraction to Alex, in a wierd way, he reminds me of Steven, character wise, not looks. I'm not sure how i feel. I do have a fantasy of sucking him off though...oh well, twelve weeks of summer together in Aber. Lots of fun i'm sure that will be.
I also thought i was starting to feel something for Abbie, but i realise now that it was just close friend love thats all.
I miss hugs and kisses and such, but am i dating for the right reasons. Certainly Sam's new found happiness is certainly desirable but i don't think thats the reason, i kind of just want to move on, and having a boyfriend will solve that. Plus it may stop the probably dysfunctional in some way sleeping with Kevin, which has happened three times to date. Meh, it feels good, and sometimes i miss him, but it's not awkward really.
Anyhoo, i have the Easter ho.liday house-sitting now, so i'll see how that goes, there may be Toby seeing, but i'm not sure if i want to make the effort first, when he was the one to stop texting me. I also feel a little bad that i've stopped texting with Andrew, but i think deep down i always knew he was too far away for it to really work on the level that i think i'm going to need.
So...Dates :1 Sex:3
not too bad odds considering i;ve only been single two months.
x

Alright, so i slept with Kev. I was damn horny, and now i keep getting underlying urges to do it again, even though we both kinda agreed we wouldn't talk about it for a good while. This can't be a good road i'm going down. It just feels a bit wrong and a bit dirty, and that is a bit of a turn on. ANYWAY.
I talked to Andrew on msn, he was quite funny and is into photography its all cool, except he lives in Cardiff...ahem. he did ask how i felt about long distance relationships though, which was kinda wierd, as we'd only been texting for about an hour. Why are the nice ones so far away?
I also talked to Adam, who from what i can tell is just up for quick fuck, which i'm half into. it would be nice to go on an actual date though, and he did ask me out for a drink. I'm not sure whats goig on there to be honest. I said i'd get back in contact after i get back from Amsterdam, so we'll see what happens. He called me a "classy guy" lol. Kev also told me he messaged him too lol, and we're contemplating both doing stuff with him and then comparing notes hehe, it'll be fun, and possibly awkward, but then it's already awkward. I mean this isn;t the same as Chris cos i know it'll just be a one night thing, or not depending on how the date goes hehe.
Toby hasn't text me today, so oh well, although he did poke me on facebook, wow he must really care lol.

Okay, so I broke up with Kevin about a month and a half ago, since then, i've joined lots of dating websites and got a few offers. mostly for sex i can assume, but there are two guys who are asking for a drink, so may'be they are interested in persuing something, Adam and Andrew, i think i saw one of them around the uni the other day, and he was a lot cuter than his pictures, i'll probably go after him. although i am texting Toby right now, who is going to be around during the easter holidays and is the one i kissed at new years while i was still with Kev, oops, but ah well. I did have a one night thing with this buff bartender from the Pier. i was quite happy i managed to pull him, and all we did was suck eachother off but all in all i guess it was alright; Even if he never responded to me again. I think that hurt a little too because i asked him if he wanted to meet up again and i would have been just fine with him saying no thanks lets just elave it. but the fact he just left it where it was really bothered me, not telling me one way or another...what a dick, i mean his character, not his actually dick, which was far from speacial (small and oddly thicker at the top lol). I am texting toby but he doesn't seem to be putting much effort in, so i'm going to make the discision just to see what happens and not get too emotionally involved. I'll be off to Amsterdam in a few days, and tehres a chance there maybe something happening with Rivka's sister's friend Loius, but we'll see, hes not amazingly attractive but i'll give him a go. Plus i'll be in Amsterdam and will hopefully hit a few gay bars with Rivka, as she just broke up with her boyfriend and is looking for a girl i think lol. I did sleep with my ex Kevin tonight, but it wasn't wierd at all, and it was so nice to have  a pair of lips around my cock that actually knew what they were doing hehe. I hope it doesn't get wierd, i'm sure it won't. We also agreed not to mention it again, unless we're both still single in a months time, in which case we'll probably do it again. there is also a punkish type guy who i just want to fuck basically, and an older guy (about 30 i think) that i just want to get my older man yahoo's with lol. Sam next door is also a wee bit confucing at the mo, i keep thinking i want to kiss him, but not go any furhter than that really.
Anyhoo that concludes my single life part one. I'll update if anything worth mentioning happens.

fuck you chris

I want you Chris, so much. Everytime i look at you i feel happy, i'm in love with you. Your smile, your eyes. the night you held Bex in your arms hurt so much,  i wished i could be in those arms, those beautiful arms. those strong arms. I want to run my fingers through your hair and hold your face. i want to feel you warm against me. I can hardly stand how much i feel for you. I love you. I do, more than anyone else. I wished you had knocked for me tonight, after our talk, and kissed me. told me you felt the same. Tell me you feel something for me, even if your scared. Even if it is because you're with Steff, just let me know. Because i'm always going to be holding on for you, nothin i can do. I told you i would get over it but it was a lie, i need to be your friend though, and thats why i did. This sounds rediculous to me, away from you. sometimes i wonder what it is, why do i love you. when i'm with you, i still don't find a reason, i just do, love you. I think that is why i don't cry over you when i'm not around you. How hard it is not to cry when i am. I'm pathetic, laying here, writing this at 5 in the morning, i should be sleeping, should be happy with what i'v got. But i'm not, he doesn't make me happy like you do just by having a smile on you face. I wish you'd come hug me. Tell me, something. I dreamt about you. i never dreamt about him. I dreamt about you reaching for my hand and taking it. walking together, together. you kissed me really wierdly, but i loved it, because thats who you are, I was not shocked by it, isn't that funny? I woke up after that, i wish i could have stayed with you there. I play songs that convey how i feel, or at least i try to, they never quite fit. I don't want to get over you because i enjoy the warmth i feel around you, and how happy you make me. I wish i could have you. I could make you happy, i swear. I couldn't let you leave Steff though, she seems great. I'm happy that you're happy. I just needed to write this down, because however much i said i would get over you, and, it didn't take that long, one cigerette long infact, i didn't mean it. I have to try i guess. I just don't see it happening. I know rationally i will, i just fell so deep for you. how cliche'. I'm fallen. here i am all falled. come pick me up. i love you. i love you. this whole thing is so jumbled. When i look back on it, i hope i remember how late it was, the windy night, the cold on my legs. the ache in my shoulder. I also hope i remember that this was not meant to be prose, just a few thoughts. well, all my thoughts are you.